For those of you who loved the movie Legally Blonde (millions!) you might recall that our heroine, Elle Woods, played by the funny Reese Witherspoon, was famous for showing her manicurist Paulette (played by Jennifer Coolidge) and some of her new salon pals a move she liked to call The Bend & Snap. Elle considered it a way to draw attention to herself and here's a little lesson. You pretend to drop something on the floor right in front of a guy on whom you have a crush. And then you dramatically extend a leg and carefully bend over to pick up said item. When you've successfully retrieved the item in your finely manicured hand, you sort of quickly stand up and snap your elbows back, while sticking out your chest and giving your hips a little hey, how ya' doin pose. (You got all that? Yeah, if not, see the movie. It's a classic.) Anyway, according to Elle, that move "has an 83% return on a dinner date invitation!" Not bad for a few moments of aerobic activity.

I've seen that movie a whole bunch of times and the only thing I'd be doing after that retrieval is calling my chiropractor for an exacerbated back issue. It's not the bend that would kill me, but the snap just might. I've begun to creak and I just thought you should know. So I've started something I'm calling The Ailment Log. My beau Michael and I play together on Monday nights. We each inform the other of our failing parts, creaking limbs, aches, pains, a sudden decreased range of motion in a particular region that seems significant enough to warrant a mention, and upcoming medical appointments. Don't we already sound like a geriatric married couple? Love can be just so grand!

Michael actually mentioned recently that he's noticed that I make quite a loud audible when I get into bed for the night. It's an I'm-so-exhausted-and-I'm-just-so-damn-glad-to-finally-be-horizontal moan of happiness that sounds a bit like an exaggerated grunt and ahhhh mixed together. But instead of making fun of me for doing it, Michael started doing it too! Imitation is indeed the sincerest form of flattery. And lemme tell ya, that sound is just so satisfying! I don't know why but for me it signals the end of the day, and I love the feeling of slowing down knowing I'm getting ready to snooze.

I used to be one of those limber-ish people who couldn't fathom that an adult would struggle to get up from a seated position on the floor or from a lounge chair. Karma has one funny sense of humor, as I have become one of the strugglers. My feet fall asleep so quickly if I'm sitting cross-legged on the bed. What is up with that? And then when I stretch after, I hunch over for a few steps before my body adjusts to walking again. Oh my God, I hear myself saying these things and I hear you laughing as you read them. You too, or are you just laughing AT me? Yeah, either way, getting older certainly has it's challenges.

My body is not the only thing suffering. My filing cabinet of a brain that's usually so snappy on the retrieval of information is jam packed these days and it might take me a few minutes or even hours to remember something that I know, but that I just can't recall on demand. I actually took a super hard Psychology class in college called Brain and Behavior and hell if I know what the heck is going on upstairs. Nope, can't remember the class either except a lot of rats were involved and the hypothalamus and hippocampus had a starring role. How's that for a four-year degree in Psychology?! Thank goodness I didn't become a shrink!

The moral of this story is... wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Ailment Log Mondays-- feel free to send in your injury list and we can compare notes. And no bending and snapping these days without the supervision of a trainer or a doctor's note! Just looking out for ya!